Blogs, etc.
I don't understand blogs, really. What is their purpose? I claimed long ago, maybe my first post, that this would be a bitch-free zone--at least in that I would avoid bitching about my life. I'll complain about pet peeves and the like, such as the last post, but I'm not writing to whine. I got Dr. Phil to help me deal with that shit. But reading other blogs, I fail to understand what blogs are really for. I enjoy entertaining stories of parties, or humorous experiences, but some people treat blogs as if it is their only outlet for dealing with their lives. If that's the case, is a public domain really the appropriate place to get help? If I'm going to treat a blog like a diary I would have to be completely candid, but I wouldn't think I could be completely candid if I knew everyone was going to read it. Can I really be honest without just being passive aggressive?
Also, another solution to this 'online diary' would be to make things general enough that randoms could not decipher exactly who they may be talking about. I noticed one of my friends does this, but since she does, I have no fucking clue what she's talking about. It's so general in hopes to avoid getting too deep with strangers, that people who know her have no idea what's going on. This brings me back to my original hope that blogs be used to share stories, not therapy. To provide humor or interesting insights, not generalities or mild soap operas.
Here's something that will hopefully get and give interesting insights: I'm trying to figure out a place for me. I've realized I'm really good at a lot of things, but not truly great at any one thing. I'm smart enough, I've got good hand-eye coordination, thus, all in all, quite competent regarding virtually anything, but there's nothing out there for me as far as great success is concerned. Yeah, anything I do will most likely result in some basic form of success, but I can't see a place for me to get into (industry or just great opportunity in some other field that interests me) that will give me a chance to succeed where it matters, on a more global scale.
Maybe this comes down to money, but I don't think it's that simple. I don't want money for the sake of money. I want money to be able to do things, travel, and eat. When I say do things, I mean be able to go to the movies and buy some candy without thinking twice or bitching about making rent. Clearly, I'm probably better off than most straight-out-of-college men, but I don't think teaching is the path at this point in my life. I'm not giving up on teaching yet. I'll do it for a little while longer, I just really want some money. That sounds so strange coming from me. Money's not a big priority in my life. I don't like buying things. My least favorite thing to do is shop. Just now that I'm done with college, all I can do is earn money to go do things.
I'm rambling.
My point is this: there's really not too much out there for people slightly above average--the category in which I feel I fall. Inanity drives me crazy as does ignorance, but I'm losing confidence in my ability to become great. So, I got to thinking, there must be some place that isn't being filled where someone like me can fit. What could that be? I'm trying to figure that out. To be a successful actor, you need to be incredibly talented, or lucky. I can't bank on luck. People who depend on winning the lottery would not fare well in life, and neither would I. I need another way in. I can't sell things, I hate that. I don't think I can 'work my way up' as a PA or something, I mean, I have a Graduate degree from Harvard. I don't put much stock in that but the rest of the world does. That's just the thing I'm talking about! Priorities and perceptions don't mean anything because a person must always subscribe to someone else's priority (as far as what's important (in anything)) or perception unless that person can make it on their own, a person which I would argue qualifies to be in the 'great' category.
I don't know what I'm looking for, but I need help. I don't feel this is a bitching zone, nor am I looking for online therapy, I just want to open the doors for a conversation.
PS-Something I hate: when people say exetera, instead of et cetera.
Something I love: bachelor parties in Las Vegas.
posted by Panucci @ 8:11 PM
4 Comments:
Blogs are there for the sake of being there. How else can one write and be heard? It used to be that authors/poets/editorial writers could only get their stuff out there through a legitimate publication. Or at least on some flier that they would drop from the sky on passerby. Nowadays, everyone has a voice in the infinite space that is the internet. This is both a bad and good thing -- the former because any nut with access to a computer can spew hatred/lies/ignorance and ANYONE can read it, but the latter because it opens reader's eyes to both reliable and unreliable sources. I would contend that blogs bring the world closer together simply via contrast of sources. We're at the dawn of a true global community, which I believe will eventually inspire change in the way things are seen, or at least open the doors so it can potentially happen.
Along the lines of greatness -- I've accepted the fact that no matter how good I am at something, someone else is going to be better. I revel in this -- it gives us something to strive for. In a funny way, it's sort of like survival of the fittest. But now that every decent American is fit enough to live to the ripe ol' age of 70 or more, it's all about survival of legacy. And legacy doesn't necessarily mean plaques or various honors; rather, it begs the question "Did you do something within your bounds that was great? Did you leave a lasting effect?" I would say that you're well on your way, as it seems like teaching will leave an impression on at least one person according to the law of averages. That's more than some Americans have done in their entire lives.
Finally, I think it's important to stay true to one's own goals as opposed to prescribing to another's expectations; unfortunately, this is unavoidable when there are leagues of people above you that require that their expectations be met. That's why I've adopted the perspective of my heroes Jim Morrison, Hunter S. Thompson, and Bob Dylan -- in the words of that dark kid from Little Miss Sunshine -- to "do what you love and fuck everyone else." These people did exactly that, and the only thing left to judge them is themselves (and God, if you're into that scene.) The trick is to navigate through everyone's perceptions to find your own niche.
Looking back on this reply, I'm not sure any of it makes sense. Regardless, it's all about attitude. We have a while until our souls are completely crushed by having a family of our own, so until then, live like you'll die at 27.
I don't know what to say about the first part. Yes, whiny blogs are annoying/passive-aggressive, like whiny people. I like to think that I whine beautifully.
The second part. Think about China. Specifically this trend:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6346931.stm
Right now there are at least 70 million Chinese men who won't find wives in their country. And the gap is growing. See what I'm saying? What should you do, what's your special skill, why vent on your blog. There are millions of men who won't be able to love someone romantically or start a family (as your friend puts it, have their "soul crushed") through no fault of their own. And clearly, there are people born into worse situations.
Think on a huge scale like that, taking into account sociological factors that affect you everyday but that you ignore in myopic what-should-I-do-with-my-life discussions. My point is that you are going to die, and my point is also that some people have a passion for something that drives them to change the world and help people or pursue an art and they can't really be happy--not in the sense of smiling and feeling great all the time, but in the sense of living with themselves everyday--doing anything else. Are you one of those people? Honestly? Are you willing to work among the WORLD? If you are, then shoot as high as fucking possible. But be honest with yourself. If the answer's no, be content. It's a lost art. I just got off the phone with you and you were on your way, with Kelly, to an America's-Next-Top-Model-watching party in the Hills. You sounded happy.
Don't expect me to follow anything I've said, I don't do that.
More practically: you're really good with your hands and building things, I think you should build pianos. And then play them.
P.S. In that article, there's this sentence that reminded me of our laughing at inappropriate things in class:
"One girl beats off four boys who try to have a look at what she was drawing."
But I guess that's how it'll have to be given the number of boys to girls. Start practicing, ladies.
Putting one's questions about life and purpose in the context of not-enough-wives-for-Chinese-guys is a pretty specious way of framing the problem. No amount of perspective--i.e. count your blessings you're not a guy in China or a kid in Darfur--should take away from the importance of the questions you have: it is, after all, the one life you get to have. It's good to keep asking those questions because it makes you ask, and hopefully figure out, what's excellent about you. Not excellent in relation to anyone else or anyone else's expectations, but what you see as excellent in yourself, and which you want to foster. Contentment is over-rated. Contentment is only good when it's the occasional breathing space you get in between spells of hard work, trying to figure out what you're good at, what good you can do. Keep asking the questions. Contentment is for sissies. Exetera.
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